Tuesday, May 3, 2011

The fear of death & Osama

"I will mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that."
~Martin Luther King Jr

A very good friend of mine posted this on her facebook wall  today and it echos my feelings perfectly.  You have probably seen it yourself already.  You see I find it hard to rejoice in death - anyone's.   I know this man caused more pain and suffering than is speakable and I certainly don't feel sorry for him.  But it just goes against everything inside me to celebrate death.   Maybe because it's something I live in fear of.  Not mine - but the pain and suffering of going through the death of a loved one.  Or even the potential pain my death could bring to my beautiful little pinks   My eyes fill with tears just thinking of that. 

As you can probably guess I've experience the heart stopping blow that the death of a loved one causes.  I've had to walked through grief twice and it has changed the person I am and left me a little less sure about life.    At fifteen I came  home from a  Sunday afternoon horse ride to find my 19 year old sister had  crashed her car into a tree on a country road a few miles from home - the ambulance had passed  me a few minutes before I got home.  She died  a few hours later in hospital.  My heart shattered when they told us and my innocent view of the world changed forever.    The infinite finality of death is so difficult to work into your reality  - especially at 15.   And then before I really had a chance to allow my heart to mend and reshape itself into a sense of normal I lost  my father to illness.  I was a typical Daddy's girl and him dying stole away all of my remaining  security and trust in life.    At the age of 19 was once again swirling around in the depths of grief and trying to reshape the broken bits of my heart into some sense of normal daily living. 

Now you just don't go through things like this without it changing who you are. I'm pretty sure I think about death a little more than the average person. As I said before the thought of dying and leaving my beautiful children without a mother is a constant lingering fear I deal with - sometimes daily.  I tend to catastrophise rather a bit too much and I find myself thinking about the 'what ifs' way more than I should.  When people I love are running late I have to check myself so I don't start thinking the worse - because my experience tells me it can happen.   The fear of people dying is very real to me and so I simply cannot celebrate death - anyone's.  Despite this man's terrible actions I'm sure there are people grieving him - maybe little children.   For them I feel sad.  Don't misunderstand me I am glad he can't cause any more pain and destruction.  I am also glad those people who have lost loved ones to terrorism can have some sense of justice.  But personally I just cannot celebrate someones death.
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16 comments:

  1. i agree with you and any way we look at it, this man was one of god's children. i cannot celebrate tha death of one of god's own.
    "Do I take any pleasure in the death of the wicked? declares the Sovereign LORD. Rather, am I not pleased when they turn from their ways and live?" Ezekiel 18:23 NIV

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  2. http://mumsmusings-liz.blogspot.com/
    enjoyed your sentiments about Bin Laden's death. I think people rejoiced that they finally put 10yrs of terror behind them. Bin Laden has had 10 yrs to face the Americans but chose not to. Unfortunately this is all going to start again.

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  3. Thanks Liz & Paula. Nice to have some feedback :O)

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  4. Perfect words for a terrible, conflicting issue. As your saddening experiences have brought home - death is no cause for celebration. Ever. x

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  5. You and Paula expressed my sentiments exactly..I can not rejoice in anyone's death either..death is so final, no more chances for repentance and violence perpetrates more violence.

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  6. I was quite horrified to hear on the radio this morning that some were celebrating Bin Laden's death. I just thought to myself 'At what cost' as there will be repercussions.

    As far as death is concerned, we, as have our children, have been exposed to it from birth. It has always been a big part of our culture (Maori) and something we don't shy away from. We spend time with our departed ones, touching and talking to them so I guess in someway it has become a normal part of our life. Death hurts and always does but I think when you do grow up with it it becomes easier to except maybe?

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  7. Oh Caz, such a powerful post. Firstly, I am so sorry to read of the tragedies you have endured, entirely unfair and I never understand why such things happen.
    May I just say that I have similar feelings to yours around the death of Osama Bin Laden. He was a monster, most definitely. However, I have real issues with the way in which these so called 'celebrations' are taking place. If anything, it should be a time to remember the victims of 9/11 and an opportunity to seek peace, rather than stir more hatred and ill feeling.
    Nothing good can come of this type of reaction. Do people not realise, how harming this sight is to our children and of course, his death does not automatically rid the world of terrorism!?

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  8. Oh my Caz, a very moving post. There is no rejoicing in any death. You have had some very difficult moments in your life...I agree, it changes the lens through which you look.

    Much love xx

    Kell

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  9. Perfect quote, Caz. I don't know why there are people feeling the need to celebrate this.
    And thank you for sharing you story with us xo

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  10. I agree with your sentiments about death and loss of loved ones. While I didn't experience it as young as you did, and not with a sibling, I have lost too many family and friends for it not to have affected me and the way I approach life. Like you, I do think about what would happen if something were to happen to me - how the kids would cope, how my husband would cope, and also the converse - how would I cope if something were to happen to my husband.

    As for Bin Laden himself - am I the only cynic who finds it a little too 'convenient' that he happened to be found suddenly after all of these years of searching, killed and then buried at sea within 24hrs of his death? No body for anyone else to view, no proof that it actually was him? Like I said, I'm a cynic. I will by no means be celebrating and feel that this will do nothing to stop terrorism - but in fact could increase attacks in the next few months as they Taliban retaliate.

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  11. I've seen all the happy posts on lots of US blogs I read and I am so glad that I am also seeing posts like yours and Kristin's from Wanderlust. It just doesn't feel right to celebrate death, not even the one of your worst enemy.

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  12. I teared up reading this because it's as though you write the very sentiments I feel.
    First and foremost I am sorry for your losses. I couldn't imagine how you must have/still feel.
    Second of all, I am also a little bewildered at the celebrations that Osama's death has sparked.
    I understand that he was a villian - but celebrating his death in vulgarity won't bring back a loved one, nor justify it.

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  13. Oh Caz, you have penned this so beautifully. I'm so sorry to hear of your losses. I haven't experienced loss to the extent you have, but I too have to check myself when someone is late and constantly think about what my girls would do without me.
    Bin Laden's death doesn't help anyone, really. All it does is put a greater fire in the belly of those who surrounded him. This, in turn, just creates greater fear for my girls' future here on earth.

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  14. So well said!

    I can't ever celebrate death... regardless of what a person has done. And I do feel sorry for Osama Bin Laden... sorry that his life and death played out this way, sorry for the people who loved him, and sorry for all those people he hurt.

    *hugs* for your losses....

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  15. I too agree with your feelings. I'm a teacher and I had to remind students that this man is infact a human being. They were defacing pictures of him and I needed to remind them that such actions are immoral. But I must say that if he was still alive, would I have stopped them? Or I may have turned a blind eye....

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  16. Wow, your post has really touched me. I agree so much about not celebrating a death no matter whose it is. I have always felt the same about the death penalty. If it is so bad for someone to kill another person, why is alright to do exactly the same thing to them? I don't get it! How hard for you to cope with such losses so young!

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