"I will mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that."
~Martin Luther King Jr
A very good friend of mine posted this on her facebook wall today and it echos my feelings perfectly. You have probably seen it yourself already. You see I find it hard to rejoice in death - anyone's. I know this man caused more pain and suffering than is speakable and I certainly don't feel sorry for him. But it just goes against everything inside me to celebrate death. Maybe because it's something I live in fear of. Not mine - but the pain and suffering of going through the death of a loved one. Or even the potential pain my death could bring to my beautiful little pinks My eyes fill with tears just thinking of that.
As you can probably guess I've experience the heart stopping blow that the death of a loved one causes. I've had to walked through grief twice and it has changed the person I am and left me a little less sure about life. At fifteen I came home from a Sunday afternoon horse ride to find my 19 year old sister had crashed her car into a tree on a country road a few miles from home - the ambulance had passed me a few minutes before I got home. She died a few hours later in hospital. My heart shattered when they told us and my innocent view of the world changed forever. The infinite finality of death is so difficult to work into your reality - especially at 15. And then before I really had a chance to allow my heart to mend and reshape itself into a sense of normal I lost my father to illness. I was a typical Daddy's girl and him dying stole away all of my remaining security and trust in life. At the age of 19 was once again swirling around in the depths of grief and trying to reshape the broken bits of my heart into some sense of normal daily living.
Now you just don't go through things like this without it changing who you are. I'm pretty sure I think about death a little more than the average person. As I said before the thought of dying and leaving my beautiful children without a mother is a constant lingering fear I deal with - sometimes daily. I tend to catastrophise rather a bit too much and I find myself thinking about the 'what ifs' way more than I should. When people I love are running late I have to check myself so I don't start thinking the worse - because my experience tells me it can happen. The fear of people dying is very real to me and so I simply cannot celebrate death - anyone's. Despite this man's terrible actions I'm sure there are people grieving him - maybe little children. For them I feel sad. Don't misunderstand me I am glad he can't cause any more pain and destruction. I am also glad those people who have lost loved ones to terrorism can have some sense of justice. But personally I just cannot celebrate someones death.